malam ini

malam ini....


dah lama tak berjalan sorang-sorang pada waktu malam...merayau...
Takut?...ade gak la...
tapi kalau ikut mood...perangai macam ni akan muncul waktu mood "lost" ataupun "blues"

ku drive keliling bandar aimlessly...sambil ku perhatikan drivers di kiri dan kanan ku...
apakah reaksi mereka bila ku tenung tanpa berkelip?..apakah yang tengah mereka lakukan di dalam kereta?...korek idung?...bernyanyi??...apakah reaksi jika ku lambai ke arah mereka??
seronok kah aku??...TERAMAT...ku suke melihat ekspressi dan riak wajah mereka secara candid!!!

seterusnya ku ke tempat membeli belah....juga suka melihat reaksi manusia...yang bercouple, yang berkeluarga, kanak-kanak berlari...ku ke kedai kesukaan ku...TOY STORE!!!!...seronok melihat pelbagai permainan di sana..boleh tak beli kesemuanya? (kecuali anak patung berupa budak kecil yang amat horror seolah chucky itu)...ku mahu transformers, ku mahu Nerf, ku mahu kesemua figura, ku mahu soft toys juga anak patung yang menari comel bila dipicit tangannya...ku mahu!!!!!!!!!!...

dek kerana keciwa tidak mampu untuk memiliki permainan itu, ku teruskan melangkah ke kedai buku...section yang paling ku gemari???....travel, photography, magazine and children sections...rase cinta dan tenang melihat foto-foto cantik tetapi pada masa yang sama rase sakit ati, dengki dan pessimist dan low self esteem...kenapa dorang leh amik gambar sebegini cantik? kenapa ku tak dapat pun gambar mcm ni?..kenapa dorang boleh travel sesuka hati?..kenapa bukan aku???....kenapa?????...lalu ku melangkah seperti orang yg tewas....

tapi ku tak puas hati...ku nak buktikan yang ku pun leh amik gambar sebegitu cantik...lalu ku ke Kuching waterfront...cun...sebab ramai orang...tetibe aku rase tenang...aku rase gembira...aku rase teruja...banyak manusia = banyak character= banyak ekspresi = banyak moment yang patut ditangkap....hanya disebabkan ini..aku rase teramat gembira...biarpun gambar ku tidak sehebat professional...tapi sekadar dapat menangkap wajah2 yang pelbagai itu, sudah cukup menggembirakan..

mungkinkah ini yang ku cari??

mungkinkah ini makna kebahagiaan untuk aku??

jika benar...aku relakan....

untuk mengambarkan mood aku pada ketika itu...latar belakang musicku mungkin daripada campuran coldplay, nickelback, john mayer, sedikit linkin park dan natalie imbruglia...

Comments

Anonymous said…
jangan jalan sorang2 bahaya
December 20, 2010 at 9:33 PM
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