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Showing posts from December, 2010

in loving memory

Sad Early this morning, I came to work as usual, feeling indifferent. Not too lazy or reluctant and at the same time not too enthusiastic. Just normal. I thought it would be another normal routine day for me. Maybe I was wrong. As I walk by ER this morning, I saw a relative to one of my patient waiting outside ER. I do expected him to come today for review. I approached him and asked " so, how is he?", he replied with worry look on his face " not good" My heart pounded fast. A little bit of introduction of who is Mr K. He is a 60year old Chinese gentleman, who was a schizophrenic patient, admitted to my ward for almost 3weeks for a medical problem in which we are still investigating. He was so cute, he didn't have aggressive behaviour like most schizophrenic patient have. He is stable. His condition was actually improving after 1 week and we made a lot of appointments for him, scans and etc to investigate his illness. However, the reason why we have to prolong

new year resolutions

Like every year, we hope that there will be changes in our life, for better of course. Another year has past, full with happiness, sadness, tough times, joyous times, hardship, losses and new comers in every aspect of our life with family, friends, colleagues, superiors, or anyone along the way. When you analyzed the things you have done and have been through all year, how do you feel? Feel contented? Achieved? Regret? Still not good enough? As for myself, I feel bless for whatever had happened throughout this year, in spite the bitterness. And I feel thankful to those who had come alongside me through every thick and thin, from the apex of my heart, I give you my greatest appreciation. And now the resolutions 1) To travel more - Japan is the starting point and more to come. I always get the remarks that i like to have a grand plan about something like travel around the world and backpacking all year so let me prove them. Make it an annual thing and it actually can be the booster to m

lost

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Has been "lost" AGAIN for the past few days. Lost : Don't know what to do in life, lost passion in work, questioning needs and desires, unmotivated, feel like hanging, lost of characters. Was it probably due to long holidays; felt nice, full of love and comfy at home after a dreadful, depressed gloomy life and series of unfortunate events at Kapit? I need that passion again. When I decided to be a doctor When I decided for myself to serve the people in Borneo and those at the interiors When I decided to fall in love with surgery The feelings, the adrenaline rush, the energy, the love, the smiles, the appreciation, the stupid satisfaction. I want to have all those back. I want to stop ramblings about things in my life. Lets find something to share. I want my Raison I want to stay positive. Lets do this!!!!!!!

malam ini

malam ini.... dah lama tak berjalan sorang-sorang pada waktu malam...merayau... Takut?...ade gak la... tapi kalau ikut mood...perangai macam ni akan muncul waktu mood "lost" ataupun "blues" ku drive keliling bandar aimlessly...sambil ku perhatikan drivers di kiri dan kanan ku... apakah reaksi mereka bila ku tenung tanpa berkelip?..apakah yang tengah mereka lakukan di dalam kereta?...korek idung?...bernyanyi??...apakah reaksi jika ku lambai ke arah mereka?? seronok kah aku??...TERAMAT...ku suke melihat ekspressi dan riak wajah mereka secara candid!!! seterusnya ku ke tempat membeli belah....juga suka melihat reaksi manusia...yang bercouple, yang berkeluarga, kanak-kanak berlari...ku ke kedai kesukaan ku...TOY STORE!!!!...seronok melihat pelbagai permainan di sana..boleh tak beli kesemuanya? (kecuali anak patung berupa budak kecil yang amat horror seolah chucky itu)...ku mahu transformers, ku mahu Nerf, ku mahu kesemua figura, ku mahu soft toys juga anak patung yang m

pabila.....

Day 1 of work after 1 week holiday.... Perasaan???? Malas Tak semangat nak tengok patient Rindu Kosong Mode aku tak kesah..aku nak lari.. Nak tegur strangers

26

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What is it feel like to turn 26? hmmm hhmmmmmmmmmm errrrrrr aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ooooooooo nothing...just like every other day...EXCEPT... i woke up in the morning and the first person i saw and kissed was Azman I have my family with me I am home another 4 years...i'll be 30 and another 10 years, InsyaAllah, I'll be 40.. What's up with this number?? People say age is just a number.... But it is not entirely true.... It is a mark... How well have you done till now? How much have you learn? How many things have you seen? How many people have you treasured? How many foe have you made? Have i accomplished most of the things i always wanted? Will I make all of them real? let's ask again when i turn 30. Hopefully i will not be as dramatic as Joey when he turned 30.

Salon

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The same remarks from any hairdresser that i will normally receive. " you have A LOT of hair" "your hair is dry" " your face is round and chubby, too short is not suitable for you" The things that they will suggest in order to make my hair look "thinner" or "lesser" will be either straighten it or snip them a bit using that special cutter which turns out to be bad for my hair. So, i go for rebonding. The process takes so effing long that make me regret sometimes. Luckily my hair is not that long so comparatively it should be faster. (sorry Aman you have to wait soooo long for me. genetically I am a girl and I sometime need to do this girl stuff..sorry) But the best part if you go to salon is the massage. I have to admit sincerely and personally i fell the "bapuks" or the aquas are the best masseurs. the way how these gifted people caress your hair, stroke my hair with their soft but strong fingers, it feels like the whole wei

relationship

ok...lets talk about it..since a lot of people keep on asking about this recently. The problem is I am scared of commitment. The idea of being together for the rest of your life, to accept each other greatness and weakness, to be there during the ups and downs, to share the same place where your privacy and space will be invaded by someone you just recently know, and to cook for him and to do that every day, for the rest of your life?..Not acceptable for now. I can imagine myself having kids, a pair of cute toddlers running around and hug me lovingly. But i still can't imagine myself with the opposite sex. Call me lunatic? whatever you want it to be. I don't really care. It seems that the idea of raising a child is much simpler than having a life partner. Don't ask me because even I don't know why. Why a? Don't get me wrong, I am not a feminist like I used to be. I am now more open. It just that I treasure friendship more than a lover. I mean I don't see any va