The one with the Ramblings

Ramblings start.... Remember I told you how HappY I was to come back to Kuching. Finally to be able to concentrate to things I love the most. Happy? - Yes, Happier. Good field, good colleagues, dependable bosses. But I too feel regrets? When I first started, I felt like in a different world, even though I used to be in the department before; I worked here once upon a time. But why I felt so BLUR. I feel like everything is new to me. I feel like I am starting over. I envy some of the junior colleagues that are more skillful than me.  Regrets? For went to Kapit? for not staying as a surgical MO before? What if I stay? Will I be better? Will it be any difference? Sometimes I become motivated but there are times I become DeMotivated. When I feel like I screwed up. When I couldn't answer their questions right. When I know the path to become surgeon is not easy. I feel like want to give up at one point thinking that I may not be strong enough to continue with this journey a...

I have a habit of naming my possessions. Like how I name my car, my guitar, my camera. It makes us feel like a family. It tighter the bond.  Here are some of the stuffs that I named. 1) Black Zephyr Its my BLACK proton Iswara car. My first car I had as a present from Babah. 2) Viviana @Vivi My computer BLACK Sony Viao. Always want to have Sony Viao since I was a student. When my Acer was stolen last 3 years, it gave me an excuse to buy a new computer. Since then, Vivi came to the family. 3) Baby It was my BLACK Lumix Compact DSLR I first bought with KP to ease our craze for photography. I have lots of memories with Baby. We share the ups and downs. Now, I have my brother to take care of Baby since I found Richard. Not that I hate Baby, never will. It just that for someone to progress, certain things need to be sacrificed. 4) Luffy, Raul, Shanks. All are the names of my teddies. I have Luffy with me all the times but the rest are "resting" well at my hometown. L...

13th December Every year at this day, will be the day that i will expect presents, eating something nice, delicious cakes, wishes, etc. Celebrating my special day with people that I treasure the most; my family. But..as I grow mature, birthday is no longer become a day of celebration. I have a new perception about birthdays. Birthday become a day of reminisce about the things I have done and achieved for the past years. To think about the times I have wasted, things that I have missed, things I should have done, moments I truly love,  moments I should have forgotten. The number of candles you blow every year now has become a time bomb of how closer are you to death. It tells you how little times you have left with so many things to do. It does cause me a state of panic. Like, I haven't travel around the world yet! Or I haven't send my parents to Haj yet. Or I haven't bought my brother a car yet. Lots of things I want to do in this world and I don't even close to a...

Yesterday was my first oncall as surgical MO SGH. It was so HAPPENING!!! my call started with patient collapsed in scope room. Resuscitation done in that small OT room. Then right hemothorax Then Rupture AAA Then IOs Then multiple referral for breast Ca, Acute appendicitis, UGIHs, Hemorrhoids, limb ischaemia, Ended with sign a death cert for DNAR patient. Sleepless But fun and frustrating Fun and excited to see all the cases came in. Has lot of things to learn. But at times, felt regrets for not knowing to manage better. Bottom line is, lots of things to learn. Nice. Can do this once a while. But not that frequent. I am out of stamina. Huhu.

yup... still alive and kicking!! what new??  a lot of things has happened. 1) I finally waved goodbye to Kapit for good. Yang manis, pahit, tawar, payau etc...dan segalanya ku ucapkan terima kasih sekali lagi..will i be coming back to kapit?..hhmmmm... 2) Had a wonderful 2 weeks holiday at home..good to be home tapi tak boleh lama2...nanti naik lemak... 3) Hey Kuching I'm back!!..I am now the new surgical MO..fuh...first few weeks, perasaan; menyesal sebab tak study betul2 when I was in Kapit, teramat menyesal. Happy sebab now if I do any procedure, I know that I have my ass and back covered. Meaning to say that i can call for help instantly from bosses yang baik hati. Menyesal jugak sebab tak build up stamina awal2 kat kapit and bila kene oncall yang busy dah rasa nak collapsed. Tetiba dapat NYHA class 3. Perkara paling susah is bangun awal. oh no..but despite all those things, I am really happy to be back. My house is awesome. Can't wait for my family to come over. ...

I went to Kuching last weekend to find a house to rent. At last, I found a house I like but a bit overpriced from the initial budget. But I bet my parents and family will love it. As usual, I took a night bus from Sibu, arrived very early in the morning at Kuching and headed to Waterfront Lodge where I usually stay. One of the thing out of other few good things about Waterfront Lodge is that they have 24hours check in time. You can just check yourself as early as 5am. I took the dorm as usual. Many will ask why I like to stay in this kind of cheap hostels, travel by bus when I can afford to travel by plane and check myself in Pullman? It is because, I love the taste of a little adventure in it. Imagine the money you managed to save in exchange to an awesome experience and adventure. Yes it will be very tiring. Who can sleep soundly on a chair in a bus that travels 180km/hr? But something good happened over the weekend. I met Hilda from Holland at the hostel. Few awesome th...

Waaa......Is this the end? I first watched Nina 3 years ago and was instantly captured by her charms. First video I watched was about subway sandwich and she was the one to blame for my constant cravings of subway sandwich since then. Since then, I never stop following her and anticipating new videos from her. I can't wait to know what are the new things she has learned, new acts she put on, new English words and new place she went. At times, watching her made me feel happy and put away my sorrows. Even there was time, watching her made me feel like having a child for myself. But later I learned that raising a child is not easy. So Nina, thank you for letting me witness your life. It is an honor. I'm wishing you all the best in the future. Be a good girl and stay cute. Love.