A little musings

Ramblings start....

Remember I told you how HappY I was to come back to Kuching. Finally to be able to concentrate to things I love the most.
Happy? - Yes, Happier. Good field, good colleagues, dependable bosses.
But I too feel regrets?
When I first started, I felt like in a different world, even though I used to be in the department before; I worked here once upon a time. But why I felt so BLUR.
I feel like everything is new to me.
I feel like I am starting over.
I envy some of the junior colleagues that are more skillful than me. 
Regrets?
For went to Kapit? for not staying as a surgical MO before?
What if I stay? Will I be better?
Will it be any difference?

Sometimes I become motivated but there are times I become DeMotivated. When I feel like I screwed up. When I couldn't answer their questions right. When I know the path to become surgeon is not easy. I feel like want to give up at one point thinking that I may not be strong enough to continue with this journey and started to think of alternative. But once I went to OT, seeing those bowels and other peritoneal content, it gave me the power back. It reminds me the reason why I want to do this in the first place.

Should I continue?

feel so sick to think about on call tomorrow. Please Dear God, hopefully everything will be smooth tomorrow. Amin

Ramblings : to be continue

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