Dilemma



I spent at most 2 days, trying to write but i couldn't find the right words to start with.

The right words to describe what i feel, have felt, and am feeling.





1) Betrayed - by humanity. By Edmund Burke who famously said " All is necessary for the triumph of evil is when good men do nothing". I wish to ask him, why. Why when even good men do something, evils still making their way to victory? Why evil still live?

2) Deceived - lying to myself and others. About my principals. The moral code. Just to protect and uphold my dignity. It was very hard to swallow. The pain is permanent but subtle.

3) Rebellious - about everything. without any reason. In the form of actions and words. Most of the time and mostly resulting in questions and self disappointment. Try to make people to believe it something i was born with and stuck somewhere in my DNA.

4) Forfeited - giving up. Unable to move on. Static or worst going backward. Rarely do this but frequently doing it nowadays. Letting go without a fight and have a thought inserted in mind, "ahh, maybe it best to just forget about it and let it be." Acted like I don't care. But Do I Really NOT Care?

5) Trust - Loosing trust towards humanity, towards nature, those surrounding. This is a after effect of being deceived and betrayed. Resulting in acting as a lone ranger sometimes. But couldn't last that long.

6) Amused - tickled me to see the stupidity made. Ridiculous actions but somehow cheer me up in a very odd way. Sometimes in a very sadistic manner. Amused by observing people's actions, and characters. And how those will mutate in dealing with unexpected problems.

7) Love - if it is define as can't stop thinking of it, can't wait to meet again, can't stop Google-ing about it, making a scrap book of it, dream of it every night. It can be both non living or living objects. Then love is the best word.


and lots of others that i can't explain. Such us jealous, intimidated, childish, domineer, reckless, retarded etc. They are just happened to be there.

All jumble up and one can be prominent at one time but they can all come at the same time.

To unscramble all these thoughts and feelings. Wish Prof Albus Dumbledore could lend me one of his pensieve bowl. Wait! He is dead. Damn! Wait!!..He is not real. Damn!!


Background Music: Everlong (Dave Grohl acoustic), Pink (Fucking Perfect), Only Human (K piano version), Baby Baby (kanjani 8 at Shonen Club Premium with Taichi and Nagase from TOkio), Na Na Na (My Chemical Romance), Gori Gori (Kanjani 8, Puzzle tour version)

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