trust

it has been almost a month now after i received the letter saying that i have passed my sem10 exam. it has been a month now after i took that oath. it has been a month now after i took picture with Dato Kanda and confessed to him that i will meet him one day as a surgeon. a month.

FYI, i am the "pioneer" in the family who enter this medical profession. none in my family is a doctor or even nurse. except we do have a dentist in a family but he is my second cousin. so as you can see here that the stress the put on me was REALLY huge. even last time when i was a student, and whenever i went back home or kampong, my family and relatives would say "bangga dapat anak doctor..etc..etc" i was flattered and thankful on how their feeling on me but again, it was very stressful.

i received a lot of medical complaints from them, like

"*shank, makcik sakit pinggang la"
"shank, kalau ubat ni boleh makan tak"
"shank, thyroid ni bahaya ke?"
"shank, kalau buang hempedu ni takde ape2 ke?"
"shank, kenape badan2 ni sakit?"

*shank. bukan nama sebenar

and also complaints for medical services in government hospital

"ala pegi follow up everytime pun bagi ubat sama."
"ni asyik buat laser je tapi tak baik2 pun"
"malas a, tunggu kemain lama tapi dah jumpe kang, cakap sikit dah. amik ubat"
"makan ubat yang sama pun tak baik2"

i honestly appreciate all their opinions and thoughts and their willingness to say all their problems to me. i really appreciate them. i feel it is easy to talk to my cousins as they do understand and take my words seriously. but it was difficult to talk to my aunties, uncles and especially my parents and grandma. they always come up with reasons and dissatisfaction. i think in their mind i am still their small kid who opinion may not worth to take seriously.
for example. one of them has hypertension and asked me whether she can drink this super-cool medicine in a form of salt that can detoxify all the toxins in your body and make you feel healthy. i said, i would not allow you to have it as you are hypertensive. by having more salt into your system may as well worsen your hypertension.(she has to take the salt diluted in a water like 3times/day. or something like that). she understood. that what she said. but next morning, i saw her drink that solution. the reason " ala ni garam lain ni. ni garam sihat". ok. fine. whatever.
next time, you don't have to ask my opinion if you don't plan to follow it.

yesterday, my family asked me about something, and her question really broke my heart. i felt hmm...what is the best word for it?..ok..it was like this. i have a cousin who has eye problem due to his DM. his eyesight became worse even with laser therapy he's having for the past few months. as her mother really rely on him for work and also as a mother she definitely felt worried about his condition and all. hence she came to me and asked

"can you find a better hospital other than GH for his eye problems in the internet?"

she believes the internet rather than myself..hmm..but maybe they were half right. maybe i don't know other better hospital for eye problem other than Tun Hussein Onn Eye Specialist center. as i am not really clear what is his real problem hence i don't dare to suggest possible treatments. besides, i am not good in ophthalmology. so, maybe they were right.

sigh. i am really useless. that is one of the reason why i do not want to work at Seremban Hospital. wait until i as good as Dato Kanda then they will believe me more.

even more stressful now..