from hotel's window




personality complex vs future undertaking

writing from 8th floor RH hotel, junior suite room.

Recent news about me. Have to deal with personality turbulence, had done too much thinking but come out with no solution. And lost in a battle with the impulsive buyer me. Had spent lots in things i like at first sight.

What was I thinking?

1) I haven't change my Japan ticket yet. Plan to do it by next week. Why the delay? Why there is hesitation? I was thinking. If I turn into a rebellious bitch, I might just go. Regardless. Then only this soul will be at ease again. But again, why not? When i think of it, imagine my mom's reaction about it. I give up. I promise to myself not to see that worried, sad face of hers anymore. At all. I am now completed the 5 stages of grief. I am now at acceptance phase.

2) Enjoying the single life!! Love the freedom. I can decide where i want to go, what i want to do, when i want to do it. No hustle. I want to go shopping at the place I like. To stroll along waterfront and stalk people as long as i want. But, as much as i love spending my time alone, one thing i can't really quite comfortable doing by myself. Eating alone. Not that i never do that, i always eat outside alone. But it would be better to have someone to eat your dinner with. Best with a new acquaintance. Lots of stories to tell. Other than that, I am comfortable with the way I am now. Wish it could be better, but so far i am happy.

3) Should I stay in Kuching? or it is time for me to go back home? Family VS future Miss Wani. I want to send my transfer forms in few months. But where should i go? Still undecided. Stay in Kuching, I definitely will get into surgery department. My application for Master program SHOULD be easier (i'll make sure it will go as promise). BUT, they will definitely keep me for years and I will be doing my junior MO calls again. And life in Kuching? hmmm. If back to the west, no promise that i will get into surgery department. But life should be better hopefully. With loving supportive families around. Hmm, how is Marissa right now. Hope she will be fine.

4) Strangers are friends that you haven't meet. Met a stranger turns friend in Kuching. Very interesting indeed. Amazed by how much similarity that we have and how easily we can blend with each other. In one day, i feel like i already know her for years. And again, went to Taman Sahabat. The fish are alright. And said hi to some of the kids who had gave interesting stories. Met a twin with very interesting character. Met a "ada aku kesah" boy. haha. Should make it as another post. Taman Sahabat is very interesting. I fall in love with it every time i go there. The people are interesting and nice. The fish never fail to entertain me as always.

5) So far, this year resolution going pretty well. Not as smooth as planned but it will be fine. The most important thing to make it work is......Hati Mau Kuat!!...sigh, so many things i want to achieve in life, so many things to do, many place to go, with so little time. But whatever it is, watashi no gambaru wa...Let's walk on...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbgHILBCgR8

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