AZRI

Nothing is definite in life except for death

Utterly shocked and devastated upon receiving the news that a good friend, Mohammad Azri Dollah has passed away.

"What? Are you sure? Maybe it was his family. Who told you that?"

KP: " I read it in the Facebook and I confirmed with Stella"

Then there was a long pause.

Then came the pouring of tears.

Even 1 day with Azri is enough to know everything about him. If I am to describe Azri in one word, I would say that he was the most beautiful person I have ever met. Beautiful physically, beautiful character, beautiful Muslim, beautiful worker. The smile; the warm smile and the cheeky smile. The eyes. The beautiful heart. The good friend. The good company. All the good qualities that he had. The dedication towards his works. The responsible man. The trustworthy colleague. The reliability. The perseverance. The kindness. The sincerity. What was not good about him? He was everything a man should be.
At the last moment of his life, he still tried to show what a good man should do. He sacrificed his life in order to save other.

I am in denial definitely. Has been browsing his FB wall quite persistently. Not only to see how many people have been affected towards his lost. For a good man like that, he will always be remembered. He was very lovable. No one can tend not to love someone like him. But the other reason for me to keep on stalking at his wall probably I was waiting for miraculous status like

"Hey, you know what!!, You all been fooled!!..Azri is still alive only that he is still drowsy from all those saving actions"
or probably
"Latest news, noted that he still breathing on the way to the mortuary hence he was rushed back to ER for further resuscitation"


Maybe I should move to the next stage. I skipped the anger since no one can be blamed here.


I never had the chance to say this but Azri, thanks a lot. You somehow gave me an impact at some point in my life. I have learned a lot from you as a friend, a colleague and as a Muslim. Had a good run with you when we were working together and you had been helpful in most ways. May Allah put you with His best men. He knows the best for you. Rest well until we meet again.




P/S: pictures taken from his FB. Sorry Azri, I took them without your permission.



Death never knock on your door when it comes. It just come instantly without warning. It is somehow disturbing to think of it. To think that you may die tomorrow with lots of unfinished business going on in your life, it is stressful. With too many things to do and accomplish. You may feel that you are not ready to die. Who does?

Just a point to ponder.
I see people die almost everyday. I mean in the profession that deal with life and death, it is something inevitable.
When I first started, I can't accept death. I mean, I blamed myself very hard when I had my patient died under my care. I thought, where did I go wrong? Was it my fault? Maybe I shouldn't be a doctor. Because my mentality that time was "I must not let people die". I would do chest compression on every collapse patients!! That what a doctor should do. My first patient who died under my care was a COAD patient who died due to pneumonia. He was 70-80years old. I was so down, had very low self esteem, it definitely affected my work performance but thanks I grew out of it with the help from supportive friends and families. But when I think of it again, did I do something good back then by compressing that old man's chest whom I probably would say that the lungs were half functioning and was too fragile to even stand for a minute. What good have I done by broking few rib cages and contused some heart tissues? Rather then having bruises and broken ribs, he might looked even handsomer with intact ribs. Maybe.

Eventually, as my career progress, I looked at the other angle and perspective about life and death. Maybe for some people, death is probably the best solution. I saw a gentleman with 70% burn on his body, he was literally no much skin left on his body. He was like "veggie" who only blink his eyes and nothing else. For the skin, we had to do at least once in 5days dressing (that would be VERY painful indeed for someone who has such extensive wound). He didn't die instantly. He was able to be with us for at least 1-2months.

All the above statements; don't get them wrong. I am not permitted death. NOT in every patient. My aim is still the same; to alleviate pain and suffering. To treat.

So, if you have to decide, will you like to die immediately without the suffering and pain or you may need to continue living with it so that it will give you time to settle your unfinished business. Hmm. Difficult to decide isn't it?

There this term call Do Not Resuscitate. An agreement by patient and family members who decided to against chest compression, against resuscitation and intubation. In other word, if I die, don't help me. Let me die peacefully. Don't jump on me and give me that a horrible massage. Is it an easy decision? Or you like to gamble? Who will be benefit from this?
I don't know.

So for that, we let Him to decide. God is the mastermind. Allah will choose who stays alive and who will join him sooner than the apocalypse.

For now, lets stay alive. Keep on living. Hope there will be no regrets when we left this world.

Amin.