A good servant

Heard and read lot of news and complaints towards doctors nowadays they make me feel sick. Tired.
When I was a little younger, I was told that doctor is the most respected people in the society, not only as in profession but as a human being too. Not only that they save lives, but they are smart, and kind and they do make a lot of money and being a doctor will ensure a good life and a good prospect of job. I was not sure which part of the quality of doctors that I was attracted too but I believe most mothers at that time, or probably today would say, " Be in school, study hard and be a doctor. You will get an easy life"

Phfft.. Define easy.

But it definitely will make the parents proud. It will be the favorite topic amongst mothers in their every conversation.

Mother A: "how many children do you have?"
Mother B: " well I have 4 and 1 of them is a doctor"
OOoooooo

But let face it. It is true. It happens. It is happening while you are reading this post.

One thing I wish I have been told about being a doctor will be the hardship. The bad. The nasty stuff. I hope people should know too. Every school leavers or those applicants to university should know. Those medical students. Those mothers. Those parents.

Probably I have in my case. I vividly remember my mother's reaction when I decided to quit UTP (University Petronas major in System Information) and enter KMB; a premed school. I was so determined. I vividly remember she said about something about working long hours, need to deal with massive amount of blood (what she meant was when you are performing a surgery. Don't get us wrong, we are not blood suckers), the high chance of being a single lady for the rest of my life (probably that was her main concern) and the responsibility. My dad?. He showed me the way, I made the decision and he supported me all the way through.

I do thank them but having a stubborn little girl like me make them scratches their head. Sorry. My heart was won over by the ever good looking Dr Carter from the famous television series ER. Damn, I shouldn't have watch that series.

So!!. What are the bad things about being a doctor? The nasty?
On top of all the things by my mother just now, the worst thing a doctor will need to face is, when he or she not be able to meet the expectation. Of who? The customers aka the society aka the patients.

People are getting healthier (they should) by having a good diet, good lifestyle, attending Yoga and etc. They are definitely more up to date about getting themselves healthy, thanks with the help of Wikipedia, or Medline etc. So, they are more aware and they do care about things that are happening to their body. Well good isn't it? In a way, people are getting more healthy, they should have known how to treat a simple discomfort like fever and flu by themselves and any explanation should be easier. Right?

Not entirely true. Especially the last one.

Let me put it this way. If a person just read books in the entire library collection or the entire encyclopedia without going to school, does it make him any smarter than those going to school? Maybe or maybe not. We all need guidance. Whatever we read in the internet or in books may be confusing. May be out dated. So when a patient comes to me, stated that her father has an illness and can be treated as such like what she read in the internet, I will say that she is not wrong and neither she is right. Even though all the common disease will presented commonly but not all of them can be treat as common. It depends on their health status, any comorbid, especially those that involves surgery. Not every surgery perform similarly. For examples, in appendicectomy, theoretically, the steps are the same, but the findings may not. What if its perforated? What if we can't find the appendix? What if it is not appendix but something else? It is not as simple as it seems. We doctors do often juggling to make decision like these. Juggling as in a very smart, evidence-based with the help of experience kind of juggling. (fuh, need to use the word wisely or otherwise people may think that doctors just doing things based on luck. Not true). I mean to proceed or not to proceed. We calculate the risk of open it up and the risk of treating conservatively. It is not easy. Never will. Note that we are not superhuman that can predict what will happen in the future at least I wish I can have that power. And to be entrusted to a human's life is the responsibility that we have to bear. And most people don't know that. When given explanation, they will threaten us for being negligence, and being incompetent. Sigh.

Please don't forget, not only that we need to make that kind of decision every day, every time to every single patient we see, need to know that we do work long hours. It is not a simple 8-5 job. We need to sacrifice our sleep and time to take care those patients at night too. Lets try it yourself. Do not sleep for 2days. Despite of doing nothing, you will feel that your brain is dying. How can we make a fast, good judgment with brain half dead? But not many people know that. When I was the houseman (intern), there were times I worked like zombies. I rarely eat, always have candy bar with me for the energy. I peed once a day, not only that I had time to pee but I was too dehydrated hence less urine output produce. There were times I took bath once a day and it was the super fast one, mostly in the morning because whenever I came home after work, I totally collapse in my bed. I only sit for total of 1-2hours or probably less than that the whole day as most of the time I will be standing or walking or running or sprinting. I came to work at 5am and if I was oncall I will be in the hospital until the next day and went back at 10pm. I worked during weekend too. Was I a human at that time? If there any chance that I would have turned into a hideous beast after? Did anyone care? Not much, there were some patients kind enough to ask, it definitely cause pool of tears, but most of them don't even care. Well at least my mother care. Not that I am hoping for a bouquet of flowers or a free dinner at Hilton's steakhouse or a nice car. Just be kind, not too bossy, not to be that nasty or maybe a thank you would have enlighten my day. At least, I know that all the hard work, all those effort are appreciated. Wouldn't I want to work harder if people do appreciate me? I would and will.

As the title said, doctors now are good servants. To "serve" those patients with high "demand" and expectations. We are no longer "angelic" or "noble" through their eyes. What they want is for us to "fix" them and we will get paid for that. We never being referred as the one that save lives (everyone can save lives; police, CSI) but doctors nowadays need to know how to "save" themselves from those err..lawsuits and complaints. sigh.

I believe there are majority of doctors who are very passionate about our work. To help, to reduce pains and suffering, to ensure the best health services given. Like a friend told me, passion is when your job is sucks, your colleagues are useless and when the environment is not friendly, you still love doing it. Despite those bad and nasty things. Those minority who brought up complaints and disgrace the profession, is just a minority. Don't let people lost faith on us and channeling themselves back to those unregistered traditional medicine. Let's move forward together. Lets continue learning. And we too, don't make them change our lab coats into maid gowns.

At your service, my master.

Just a point to ponder. I guess.