Aled has been my trustworthy secret keeper. He likes a pensive where I dumped all my thoughts. Thanks to Aled who has been there for me. Thanks and keep Shhhh
Now, I am writing to Adam. Hehe
first of all....
I'M BACK!!!! !
The beginning of the new posting aka first day in hell. It was suck as expected. The tagging days just horrible. Tiring mentally and physically and i couldn’t wait for this to end. Anyway, what am i talking about. Its hell. Hell is not good. Always bad. In the nutshell, if i can put in 1 word to describe my life in paed for the past 10 days as tagger, the word is HELL. some of my colleagues are very efficient and nice to work with. Some are REALLY slow. But who am i too judge. I am still junior to them. My medical knowledge has evaporated since i left the posting. I couldn’t remember how to interpret the ABGs and the most common ABG abnormalities i found when i was in medical were either overventilated or metabolic acidosis. I was told by my MO to buck up my ABG knowledge because it was unacceptable since i am now a 4 th poster. Which by right, according to the old system, i should be a MO by now. Damn. And blur is still my middle ...
It is so not right to categorize your patients. Difficult? Manjalitis? Kurang Kasih Sayang? Compliant? "That" patient? Ya I know. And I do know that we are not suppose to favor patient as well. Because we are professional who work with good etiquette; not to be bias or biatch. However, when I have someone whom I have been managing for quite sometimes, and he has been a very good patient in term of compliant and courtesy (plus cute =P), I can't stop myself from having this feeling. Feeling? Feeling that I'm going to miss him so much. Knowing that my ward rounds will be dull without him. I am talking about an old gentleman, who has been in the hospital more or less A YEAR!!!..Yup..He has a TB and for his case it is tricky to manage. As if it has been mutated to a new strain. Because of that, he has been in the hospital (Kapit and Sibu) for nearly 1 year. If you meet him, he looks like a very healthy strong Ibanese. He doesn't look sick. But...Sigh.. Always tease hi...
Has been "lost" AGAIN for the past few days. Lost : Don't know what to do in life, lost passion in work, questioning needs and desires, unmotivated, feel like hanging, lost of characters. Was it probably due to long holidays; felt nice, full of love and comfy at home after a dreadful, depressed gloomy life and series of unfortunate events at Kapit? I need that passion again. When I decided to be a doctor When I decided for myself to serve the people in Borneo and those at the interiors When I decided to fall in love with surgery The feelings, the adrenaline rush, the energy, the love, the smiles, the appreciation, the stupid satisfaction. I want to have all those back. I want to stop ramblings about things in my life. Lets find something to share. I want my Raison I want to stay positive. Lets do this!!!!!!!
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