change?

Will you change about yourself or will you change your principal?
For someone else?
In what extend will you ever think of doing that?

Should I?

For example, I like to remain unknown, remain anonymous. So that i can walk freely and do whatever i want without worry. If i act stupid, people will only say,
"Yeah, like that one girl try to jump from that tree but managed to land on that pile of boxes"
Instead of,
"Yeah, like Dr Wani last time......."
But, when public somehow notice you, it was uneasy. When people say hi to you from all direction, and the worse part is when you couldn't recognize or remember who they are?
And they know you as the doctor.
My principal was " once you get known by the people at your workplace or the town you stay, its time to move out"
Looks like it is not applicable in Kapit. I think i have met half the Kapitan here only in 3 weeks of working.
I don't want to move out just yet. I haven't explore Kapit that well. But definitely i need to spend less time walking in the town now.


How about?

To be a happy single chick until you reach 30? or 40?. Yeah, that rules still apply. Until proven otherwise. Haha. Ajat, i allow you to enter maturity before me. I have stunted growth of maturity. But i won't deny it that how i found myself jealous sometimes over some of my friends who have found their soulmate and life partner. They make it looks so easy to accept someone to enter into their life. Then, quickly i realize "nahh..not gonna be me yet.." I still have problem with trust and committment. No one have

And...

The fact that i refuse to change whatever i am now, from my clothing line and my style and my interest as i feel comfortable with them. Some people even told me that,
"that is so outdated" and "Wani grow up, put on more blouse and less jeans and T-shirt".
I don't want to. This is not because of ego. This is about being comfortable. I'm comfortable with Jeans and T-shirt. It shows the real me. I'm going to feel awkward by wearing blouse or pants or skirts. Only in certain extreme cases that i may put myself down and force myself to it. Like my mother's last wish for seeing her only daughter to put on make up. Or to wear kebaya during Hari Raya. That's the only exception. Other than that, it will shirt and jeans until proven otherwise.

For me to think about all this kind of feel fake. The Me that always say "ada aku kesah" or "like i give a damn", yes, there are times these things hit me on the head then i have to think about it. And when i say yeah i will re-think about it and let see whether i'm going to make a major changes in my life right now, it will always come back to the starting point - "ada aku kesah!!"

So my dearest family, don't worry about me. I may or may not change like the way you want me to be. But whatever it is, i will try my best to not let you all down. But if you ask me whether i am happy? of course i am. My life is to make you happy. Because i've already have whatever i want for now.

Maybe not all yet.